Ink of Affliction
“David’s pen never wrote more sweetly than when dipped in the ink of affliction”
While Octavius Winslow penned these words over a hundred years ago, my experience over the last 20 years finds these words no less true than when they were first written. I know from experience how deeply profound these words are. Most of my life has been ridden with suffering and sorrow. That was not the case for my little years. It slowly began to stockpile during adolescence and hasn't stopped since. Hard has been the backdrop of my life. It’s been the backdrop of my marriage for the last 20 years and the backdrop of our son’s for the last 15. There always seems to be something. And yet, God has made it so clear every single time that every single thing has had a purpose. I don't always see that right away. In fact, hardly ever. But, most of the time, things make sense when I see them in reverse and the best way for me to do that is through writing. Keeping a record of my days through prayer and journaling allows me to piece together the puzzle of my life in both joy and pain. It’s how I see God’s handprint everywhere even in the smallest or most unlikely manner.
I just finished writing a memoir. It took nearly five years to complete. It is an accomplishment for sure but it's more than that. It’s a treasure, a memorial of God’s goodness, mercy, and peace. It’s evidence that he can be trusted, a way for me to remember that he has never abandoned or failed me. It’s ammunition against doubt for future unknowns and fuel to propel me forward with faith in his promised future grace. Every chapter is a different story about something that had a deep impact in my life. Something I ferociously feared. Something I was certain I wouldn't survive. Something that truly tested my faith. At times I ran. At times I walked. Sometimes I limped. Sometimes I crawled. Sometimes God had to carry me through to the other side and in some circumstances he’s still doing that now and will continue to until he sees fit for a particular “chapter” to close.
Not all of our experiences in life will end or make sense on this side of heaven. Look for His goodness even when you’re uncertain you’ll find it. Beg for his peace even in trials that don’t go away in the timing or way we desire. Our stories are not over until we draw our last breath. He makes everything beautiful in its time and pieces it all together for our good and his glory when he knows is best. No matter how hard things have ever gotten, God has always proved the anxieties of my mind wrong and his timing has always been perfect and purposeful. If the stories I share in my memoir had never happened, well, there would be no memoir, and if they were scrambled out of his control, many of them would’ve shipwrecked our life. But, they occurred just as he planned, for as long as he planned, in the order that he planned. The ink of affliction proves his future care and blessing, and we can’t praise him for his deliverance and goodness if there’s never anything hard.
- Erin
